I am Worthy - First Steps

 

Setbacks, delays, and obstacles are part of life. We all know this. But when life seems to be nothing but constant ‘no’, when all we seem to have is negative, then it wears on us, stresses us and erodes us emotionally and mentally. It makes us feel worthless and less worthy of our dreams.

How do we stop listening and struggling from the negative and setbacks and get our lives back on track? How do we use all the negatives life has piled on us into something positive?

How do we turn frustration into motivation? How do we turn around after constant blows to our dreams?

Four years ago, I’d planned a new life. I thought I had it all figured out. Unfortunately, I trusted people I shouldn’t have. People who had proven to be less than reliable but I accepted what they told me anyway. I turned to people I trusted for input and advice and was ignored. At one point I was told not to bother them because their problems were so much more pressing and trying than mine. That I was being selfish and self-centered. That still stings deep.

As I was coming to grips with the realization that my new life was falling apart, the pandemic started. I made new plans but the shutdowns and lockdowns seriously hampered my efforts. And now, I’m worse off and dealing with new bureaucracies to get started again.

The loss of my dreams combined with my father’s death brought me very low. On top of that, I had to make a very difficult decision to put my mental health over toxic relationships.

Thing is – I did everything I’d been told I should do. And lost everything.

 

One video call with a friend from high school was enough to change my thinking from negative to positive. She might read this and scratch her head, wondering what she said. It was as much what she said as the simple act of reconnecting with a friend.

It made me realize that there was more to my life than I’d been letting myself see. Talking with her, recalling good moments, having someone listen without passing judgment, and listening to her, changed my attitude. Or at least started to.

I faced my first problem – dealing with VA bureaucracy. I started reaching out to groups for advice, then contacted people I’d served with. When people you haven’t seen in thirty-plus years remember something that happened to you, you realize you mattered to them. That they’re willing to help you can be an amazing shot of morale.

I followed the old saying ‘if you can’t beat’em, join’em.’

I turned my frustration into motivation to find ways to use what I’ve learned to help other veterans. By speaking out about my problems, I realized I wasn’t alone. There are thousands of veterans going through similar experiences and trying to deal with procedures that seem more to hinder than help us. Now I'm applying for jobs where I can do something. Maybe I can make things easier or faster for the next person.

I also started connecting more with authors and readers in the genres and formats I’m publishing in. Yes, it helps my stories get noticed but even more, I learn new ways of reaching readers and what they want in stories.

Then I realized I need to take care of myself. I know better but the past few months I’ve let the depression drag me down and slacked off.

I know I need to walk and do yoga everyday. But I hadn’t been. So I started doing it again. Slowly at first because I’ve learned I can’t jump in full speed. My body doesn’t like that.

But walking in 10-20 minute clips followed by three Sun Salutation rounds is something my body can handle. What my mind and heart crave to center and rebalance. It leaves me calmer and more energized. Why hadn’t I been doing it? I didn’t think it mattered. No, I didn’t think I mattered.

 

Something else I’ve realized – everything I’m doing to get my life back to where I want to be is okay. Even if people don’t like it for whatever reason. I'm doing my own research, asking questions and making plans. For me.

I’m not aiming for blissful paradise where all my dreams come true at once. I’m aiming for being focused, finding a place where I’m able to help others, be appreciated and supported, and taking care of myself.

I am channeling my frustration energy into things that, hopefully, will turn my life around.

I’m remembering that staying connected is necessary. I’m an introvert not an island.

I’m learning that protecting my mental health has to be a higher priority.

Most of all, I’m accepting that I have worth.

After years of feeling worthless, that’s a revelation.

 

 

Transition Generation - Part One

I am part of a generation that got caught in the middle. For the most part, our parents were raised with specific gender roles. But when we came of age, society had changed significantly. And now? Trying to explain to teenagers what we went through, what our mothers dealt with, is like trying to describe an elephant to someone who can’t see.

For example – I can recall, in the mid-1970s mind you, only being allowed to go half-court while playing basketball in PE. It was the generally accepted opinion that girls couldn’t do such strenuous physical exertion without causing damage to us. ‘Us’ as in our reproductive organs. I also remember the earth-shattering court case that determined girls could play sports and had to be given the same opportunities as the boys.

As soon as possible, my parents signed me up for softball. My mother coached the second year. I wasn’t exactly talented at the game. Even my mother knew to put me in right field. But it was fun and my first experience at being part of a team.

It was even more ground-breaking when women began competing in marathons and running longer distances in the Olympic Games. There were debates on the long-term effects it would have their bodies. Again, the focus was on the 'toll of such strenuous activities on the reproductive system’ (my quotes to paraphrase the arguments). The rhetoric was fiercely contentious and, honestly, rather intimidating. In high school, I thought girls who played team tennis, soccer and softball were amazing and courageous. I envied them for doing what I didn’t dare.

I was one of the ones caught between two societies – the one of the past and the one of the future. I was seriously conflicted in what to do. Looking back, I wish I’d tried out for tennis, maybe softball. I loved tennis and was fairly decent at it so I might have made the team. Maybe. Like with softball, the talent of my classmates shone when given the chance. And they weren’t just athletes. The girls at the top of my class were swimmers, tennis and soccer stars as well as playing basketball and softball. They were magnificent at paving the way for girls to be scholar-athletes. They showed that, given the chance, girls had competitive drive and could do so much more than society thought they could.

Thing is – we had the chance. Something teenagers now don’t think twice about was a revolutionary event. We were ‘foot soldiers’ in changing society and had no idea. Try to describe that to girls now? Or even women who were in high school in the eighties and nineties and they look at you as if you’re crazy.

I look back and I’m truly amazed at how far things have come. Does progress still need to be made? Absolutely.

Yes, I would like to thank those who fought for girls to have the chance to prove themselves. Trailblazers like the indomitable Billie Jean King who took on men at their level. And beat them.

Most of all, I would like to express my admiration for those girls who seized the opportunity and played. Court battles are tough and hard-fought but it’s those who act after that truly make it last.

The ‘Transition Generation’ deserves its due. 

 

Putting Humpty-Dumpty back together

Welcome to Abby’s Nook! Wherein a woman whose life fell apart tries to put it and herself back together again. Rather like Humpty-Dumpty, I fell off the wall. All the horses and men, and all the people around me, have been giving me advice and telling me how to get myself back on track.

But lately, I’ve realized something very important – I’m the only one who can do that. It’s something I have to figure out. And what they’ve been telling me won’t entirely work. Some of it will, of course, but a lot of it won’t.

For one simple reason – they’re not listening to what I’m saying in return. Well, I’m sure they would say they are but since nothing I’m saying is what they want to hear, it’s wrong.

Sooo – I’ve realized that this Humpty-Dumpty girl is going to have to figure it out herself.

I have to figure out how to deal with the past – the trauma, the mistakes, and the good parts – and go forward.

I have a plan too! 😊

It’s a fairly simple one too. I’ve planned out the following – mental and physical health, finances (ugh!), writing (yeah!), and goals to get me where I want to be in 50 weeks. I can already figure out where the most likely hitches will take place and where I’ll need to make adjustments. I know I can't be ready for everything but - this time? - I'm actually looking ahead to see problems. Trust me, that's a new one for me.

The ‘set-in-stone’ dates so far are book releases. I have a book series that will start releasing on 4 February – The Society. A very powerful organization has been working behind the scenes, pulling strings in government halls, manipulating the economy and, when necessary, removing people who get in the way. Their goal is continental domination. They plan generations in advance, marrying their children off – and something goes horribly wrong. The Ruthless shows just how far the Directors will go to have control of The Society, and the continent. Blood is everything. And disobedience is not allowed. 

Sooo – every week I’ll be posting as I work on pulling my life, my writing and myself together. It will cover what I’m doing, thinking and – of course – snippets of my books.

Come along and enjoy the ride!